Wednesday 4th Feb ' 09

feeling happy or should i be emo-ing.. ? for the past 2 consecutive days, i have been at my dad's place cooking ! and i really feel the joy inside me ! i think is the first time i cook for the family ! today did something bolder ! like prepare the whole grouper ! steam it and make it like restaurant style , and i am very afraid that i overcook it ! but after tasting.. is soft and tender w/o fishy smell and the sauce is good ! ha ! friday i be leaving for malaysia again ! but i believe soon i be back ! yea ! today pretty positive but i am unsure whether i have been selected ! all these while have to thanks Jean for helping and correcting me out in many way relating to the case ! If i have the chance to work ! i will strive for the 8 k in first month ! haha..

i am so sad ... sad because.. i cant drink vodka anymore ! tried drinking earlier on but i vomit out on my first try ! haiz.. guess because the last round that i taste vodka ! i finish up the whole bottle and that aweful, terrible taste still haunts me ! guess sticking with beer is still the best ! My dad never really seen me drinking beer before.. probably on new year thats the time i drink in front on him and other than that.. i don't see him already.. today he asked me if i am drinking on regular basis.. ( guess he saw a huge can of tiger finished up ) .. i pause awhile and say.. no la.. just because i am stress so i drink ... and just only at 1am.. he came out of the room.. and told me.. son, theres beer in the fridge take it and drink if you want.. felt so happy because he offer me his beer and understand the need to drink ! hahaha.. and i gladly took one in front of him and gulp it !

Jason called me earlier.. and told me on tml cg.. SOAR the sub-d vision.. or something.. well.. i ain't really interested in SOAR .. haha whats imp i thought is the needs that will be met especially the one on the spiritual side.. like healing and re-charging the inner as a group ! i have seen too many on this program and themes in my tertiary years.. so is nothing new to me.. if possible and i have the chance , why not stop and think for awhile about areas you have not been able to recover from ? like brokenness or scars that hasn't been resolve .. i thought that would really make an impact ! haiz.. there's just too much program going on...

i remember someone ask me.. whats the song in your head thats playing.. well ! i finally able to find it in you-tube ! hahahahaha below ! i love it alot ! think of it everytime and sing with it everytime ! in bad times and good times, i cant miss this nice song !



Just before i end off.. share with you something about me when i am like 6 or 7 years old ! hhahaha.. on New year day itself , i met my ( xiao gu ) aunty pauline.. and she reminded me of my naughty and mischieve behaviour ! and she say that everytime ! she and her husband have to outsmart me to gain control over me ! thinking to myself am i really that bad ? YES ! BLOODY HELL YOU ARE ! she said that.. i dont like to study and whenever they need to check for my home work on those small exercise book ! i will tear away the pages before letting them see.. and they have no choice but to number every page.. is this the end ? NOPE ! i throw away the whole book instead in the end !! hahaha.. yea.. i cant remember all these and i have no idea how bad i was !! thank God i am better in some ways now ! :-)